One year later...Luke

It was a year ago today that Luke was discharged from the hospital (for the 2nd time), and began his road to recovery at home once again. January 17th was my Grandpa Jordan's birthday, and I can't help but think he helped us get discharged on this day to help me be at ease with taking Luke home again. God worked miracles people-not just by saving Luke's life, but by helping me have peace and confidence to care for him outside those hospital walls, where he was being watched by multiple medical professionals and there were machines that he could be hooked up to if he needed them. There were other people who knew signs of distress and could do CPR on him if he needed it; other people who went to school for years and were responsible for saving lives on a daily basis.  

Outside those walls, it all fell back onto my shoulders and it was scary. Andy was home, but not for long. He had to go back to training in Texas. Then I would be all alone with 4 kids. Luke came home on 3 monitors, on full-time oxygen, and was weaning off of 3 narcotics, so we had to deal with withdrawal too. I was scared.  Oh, and did I mention that I was going back to our house where I found him cold, blue and lifeless? Where I gave him CPR for so long that at one point, I stopped and looked at my mom and screamed, "Where are they (the ambulance)?! I don't want to do this anymore!" I was definitely scared. 

But, what I want to share is that GOD WAS THERE. I felt His presence as I did CPR. I felt His presence at the hospital, and each day he put people in my path to help me have peace again. He reminded me to give all my fear and worries to Him, and I did. I don't know how anyone can go through such trauma and not lean on God. He made sure that on the day of discharge, I was confident and knew the ins and outs of Luke's care. He made sure I was rested and healthy, and that I was done with that tiny hospital room with the recliner as a bed, and nurses who were busy and monitors that were annoying. He gently led me step by step back to being the me I was meant to be. 

I am not going to lie. Those first weeks home were tough. Luke was inconsolable a lot of the time. Just changing his diaper would send him into a crying fit that lasted hours. He wouldn't let me sit, so I stood and bounced him for hours at a time, standing in one spot because of all his monitors and oxygen tubes/wiring. Our biggest challenge was making sure he ate enough calories each day, and kept up with his medicines. It was rough, but we made it through. God gave us an amazing family, and friends, who selflessly helped in any way they could. I remind myself of how far we have come in this last year, and I pray daily for those still in situations like ours. 

Today, Luke played in the kitchen cabinets while I made meals and did dishes. He pushed his walking toy around our home chasing his siblings, and threw food off of his high chair tray to say he was done with lunch. He danced to any music he heard, and folded his hands to pray at least 100 times (it's his thing right now). He laughed as Andy played peek-a-boo with him, and he is snuggled in my arms as I type all of this. We are so humbled, grateful and ecstatic that God gave us this gift, not once, but twice. He is our miracle. He is God's miracle. Praise to Him always.