I apologize now that I haven't updated the blog as much as I would have liked to during this past week. Hopefully, this post will give our family and friends some insight into how this week has been for us. I will start with the day Luke was born, and give some updates of his progress. When Andy and I were in the NICU the other day, we talked about this blog, and our story, and what we hope to share through it. For me, it is HOPE and for Andy, it is TRUST. We have come such a long way on our faith journey the last 6 years, and still aren't the best at sharing God's love in the way that we should. We used to think that people should keep their faith to themselves. I know that personally, I always thought it was hypocrytical of people at funerals or during a tragedy to talk about God, when I felt that these people didn't talk about God at other times. I felt like they were "using" God to make themselves feel better about a situation. I just want to share that because I know there are so many of you at different parts of your faith journey (or maybe you don't believe at all right now, and this makes you uncomfortable), but we KNOW that God was with us during this time (as He always is), and it isn't something that we just say. We feel Him guide us through our prayers, our friends, the hospital staff, and our "intuition", which we believe is the Holy Spirit guiding us in our decisions. That all being said, here is how Luke joined our family last week, and how it renewed our faith, hope, love and trust in God.
I posted that I was going to have a scheduled c-section at 1:00pm on Thursday. My doctor wanted to do it at 7am, but my nurse told her that Andy wouldn't be here by then because he had all of the kids to get ready for school and a playdate. Plus, they were really booked that day with elective c-sections, which they needed to work around or reschedule. Hence, the 1pm decision was made. I was so thankful because the entire time I was on bedrest, I prayed for a calm delivery. Both of my other c-sections were "emergency" situations, and they were so stressful. I labored for both of them clear to the point of delivery, and then had surgery in which everyone was rushed and on edge. Well, this time would be no different. My nurse came in at 9:45 am and said, "You are having a c-section NOW. Well, at 10:30 or sooner. The baby's baseline heart rate has changed and he needs to come out." Andy wasn't there yet, so I called and he was fortunately, on his way and hurried. They prepared me, and off to the OR we went. I really did better staying calm this time through a conscious effort to do so, but I was scared. We both were. We had wanted Luke to grow as long as possible in utero, but also had to ask ourselves each time we stopped contractions, or waited another day, if we were waiting too long. My doctor shared our concern, which was one reason we loved her so much. She was going above and beyond to do what was best for Luke, and we trusted her completely.
Once in the OR, my doctor had to wait on the NICU staff to deliver Luke, and everyone was getting a bit tense waiting. They had been called several times, but weren't there yet. I will never forget the multiple times that I heard Dr Mills say "I've never seen..." It isn't the best feeling in the world to hear that when you are laying on an OR table cut open! They got Luke out, and the instant she showed him to me, I fell even more in love with him. I told Andy, "He looks big! Like a baby, and not an alien" (compared to the triplets at birth). They took him to the corner and began to try to intubate him. The anesthesiologist told Andy to wait to go over and take pictures, so Andy stood by my head and watched them. And I watched Andy. It was a LONG 5 minutes. He was worried, and kept shaking his head from side to side. I tried to not watch him, so that I would stay calm, but I couldn't help it. I asked Andy if they were doing CPR, and he said that he thought so. We were scared beyond belief. Why? How? We feared the worst. I share this because we don't want people to think that just because we have faith, that we just float through life, and act nieve about bad situations. NO. We experienced all kinds of emotions in those 5 minutes: anger, doubt at our decision, fear, grief. We both wondered silently why God would give us this miracle pregnancy to have it end with the baby dying in the OR. But, during this time, we never gave up our belief in God, and we had HOPE and TRUST that God would get us through whatever the outcome; and that God could and would save Luke's life if that was His will. We found out later that it took them two tries to get Luke intubated. The first time, they thought they were in the right spot, but heard no breath sounds, so they took it out and re-intubated him, applying alot of pressure, and heard something "pop", and then heard breath sounds. So, when I say "5 minutes", it really was that long because they told us that is how long it took them to get him breathing. They then prepped him and took him in an incubator to the NICU. Andy got a few photos, which we have shared, and I got to go see him in the NICU a few hours later. Oh, and his heart never did stop beating in the OR. What Andy thought was chest compressions, was actually them pushing so hard on his chest to get him intubated.
While all of this was going on in the OR, my doctor shared with her intern and with all of us, how bad Luke's lifeline in utero was. She said that the placenta was in pieces, and all black and non-viable. She said she had no idea how he survived, let alone grew with that as his nutrition source. She also said that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. She untwisted it and went to pull on it and it fell apart in her hands. She had never seen anything like it. As I listened, I felt peace knowing that God is how Luke stayed alive in utero, and not any other reason! She said that I had "holes all over my uterus", which again, she hadn't seen before. She also shared that I had endometriosis "everywhere" and it was the worst she had ever seen in a pregnant woman. Dr Mills said that if we hadn't already decided to tie my tubes, she would have recommended it during surgery. In fact, she wants me to have a hysterectomy before we move to Florida! I don't know that is going to happen, but I appreciate her honesty. After hearing how bad my "insides" were, I felt even more in awe that we conceived Luke without any fertility treatments. God chose us to have him, and we are so thankful!!! He is worth every minute of bedrest, every tear, and every moment of wondering that I have experienced since May.
Well, I knew I would type too much and run out of time and energy for now. I am going to get some sleep, and will post soon with the latest updates. Please know that he is doing wonderful now, on his one week birthday. He is off of his ventilator, has had a normal head ultrasound, and his heart valve is closing with medication. His chest tube came out earlier this week also, and he is getting breastmilk feeds through a tube in his mouth. We have only held him over his bed so far, as you see in the photos, but we hope to hold him even closer soon. The other kids are GREAT. So thankful for Mommy to be home, and to have had family here helping this past week. Thank you to all of you for your prayers, gifts, meals, time, and love. We are blessed!
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